Yesterday morning, we woke up to a world in which Donald J. Trump had been elected President of the United States.
I fell asleep Tuesday night knowing it was a probability; by the time I collapsed into bed at 2 AM, Hillary Clinton would have needed a miracle to get enough electoral college votes to win. I tossed and turned, anxious, and finally drifted off. I woke up at 4 AM and checked the results on my phone – Trump had won.
I cried. I am not a crier, and at the time I was not sure why I cried, but I did.
I got up the next morning bleary-eyed and numb. The world was different somehow – grayer. I went to work and my commute was quiet. I could see my feelings reflected in the eyes of those around me: confusion, apprehension, disgust, and loss.
My coworkers were similarly distraught. A group of us women started an email chain about it. My CEO streamed Hillary’s concession speech and Obama’s address to the nation for the entire office.
I spent the day trying to figure out why this hurt so badly. Do I think Donald Trump is any more fucked up than most of the other Republican candidates I have had the luxury of seeing in recent years? No. I can name countless others – Sarah Palin, Scott Walker – that I am sure share his views, albeit less vocally. Trump, to me, is not the problem. Bigots and racists and chauvinists exist in the world – there are assholes everywhere.
The problem is that we chose him. We CHOSE a vocally racist bigot who slandered a Gold Star family. We CHOSE a man who repeatedly lied, was caught in those lies, and denied them. We chose a man who would not release his tax returns – who despite his claim to represent the “regular man”, admitted to dodging paying his taxes. We CHOSE a man who rated women based on their appearance WHILE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT of the United States. Who was caught talking about grabbing women by the pussy.
I get locker-room talk. My girlfriends and I have mouths on us; I swear like a trucker and I say lewd things. But I do not do it while running for fucking President.
We chose him over a qualified, dignified, poised woman. A woman made of iron. A woman more qualified for the job than anyone probably ever before. A woman who certainly had her flaws as well – she is “the man” embodied. Wall Street, Washington, all of it. But politics is a game and Hillary knew how to play with the best of them.
The problem, and the reason this hit me so hard was because this election was not an election – it was a referendum. A referendum on women’s rights, racial rights and LGBTQ rights. Progressives – liberals – thought progress had been made. We thought we lived in a world where women were almost, finally almost, valued equally to men. Where we could be a man’s equal in the office and still come home to a husband that wants to fuck us. We thought we lived in a world where it was common-sense that you do not bully, pick on, or degrade others regardless of race, sexual orientation, economic class or gender.
What hurts so much is that we thought we lived in a world that we do not live in. That does not exist.
In one fell swoop, a silent majority comprised of white men and their well-behaved wives stood up, flipped us the bird, and told progress to go fuck ourselves.
Because they were angry.
And because they somehow deluded themselves into thinking that Donald J. Trump, a billionaire who was born a billionaire, is going to represent the rights and desires of working class America because he said he would loudly and in a politically incorrect way and that must make it true.
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