Unending time spent swathed in darkness
broken
by occasional blinding bursts of golden light
Flashing moments of joy—
laughter that almost
—almost—
reached the eyes.
It took that whole time for me to put me back together
back together
but still separated by a micro-something—
spaces
or maybe holes,
little warrior cracks,
guarding a heart that feels too much.
I had to let you go to put myself back together.
Or,
had to put you away
somewhere
somewhere you were no longer everywhere—
where I didn’t hear your name—
feel your eyes catching mine
through the window of a coffee shop.
I had to let you go to put myself back together.
And I am now
together
Someone says the loss of you set me free
and forged me into something stronger
I try to revel in that strength—
telling myself
you are a goddamned force of nature.
And maybe that’s even true.
But sometimes
those last few minutes in the dark before sleep takes me
I fear that if examined closely
somewhere, someone might see right through me.
I had to let you go to put myself back together.
I had to let you go to put myself back together.
I had to let you go.